Beyond the Palette

This week, I heard a side of Mrs. Valentino I could never imagine my auditory apparatus listening to. For the first time in my life, one of my teachers were willingly talking about gen-z slang, specifically very sus ones. Still, I will have to admit, it was a top 3 english class days of all time. Hearing a teacher even speak about something like "netflix and chill" or "do you wanna see my etchings" was almost refreshing – it reminded me that even teachers have lives outside of school. However, what was not refreshing was when my table decided to stab me in the back and yell out what I had purposefully whispered to them. I had quietly told them, "Yo guys, what about this one: I can't wait until you turn 18?" They apparently thought it would be hilarious to yell out "WHAT DID YOU SAY JAYDEN?" Obviously, in that moment, I was seriously flustered – even burying my head into my arms out of embarassment. They then proceeded to tell the entire class...

"Yo Jello whats up!" "Whaddup diamond maker!"  "Howdy butter boy!" "Ahoy amonia boy! "What's hangin' corny boy!" "What's shakin' pain boy!" "Sup vanity boy!" "Hi 6 paik!" "Salutations booger boy!" "hello 재희야" holy moly. I don't think I can physically handle any more. There are more nicknames out there than I can count, or even remember for that matter. The ones I listed above are only surface level – things I have been called frequently. A prime nickname-maker is Daniel Cho. This man has been curating nicknames for me ever since the good-ol' days of elementary school. Regardless, this Jayden-Paik-name-making-contest has been going for far too long. Once a nickname starts to die down, it almost becomes a competition to see who can make the next most revolting, insulting, horrid, nickname possible. The picture I provided next to this text accurately describes how I feel ...

          Music softly playing in the background, the world around me slowly fades away as the doors open and the love of my life strides in. When she finally reaches me, we say our vows – promises layered carefuly over trust, care, and hope - until the simple words "I do" leave our lips. The ring slides into her finger, and we just smile at each other. There is a slight pause before the words everyone has been waiting for echoes through the venue: "You may kiss the bride." The world seems to hold its breath as I slowly pull my soon to be wife in, and just as our lips are about to touch, a very excruciatingly loud alarm sounds throughout the venue. Everyon e is looking around in confusion until suddenly, a blinding light shines in my face. "Jayden, WAKE UP!!! You're going to be late for school for the 100th time!!!!" My mom screams in my face as reality starts to set in that the perfect life I was supposed to build with my "'wife" was but...

Jayden Jaehee Paik The Art of Considering the Lobster  "The Art of Considering The Lobster," originally published in Jayden Paik's AP Language blog in 2026, was selected as one of the best blogs that Mrs. Valentino had read, and serves as the title essay of a 2026 collection of his blogs. The blog grew out of Paik's interpretation of "Consider The Lobster" by David Foster Wallace and serves as a kind of "review" of that boring essay.  I absolutely love lobster. Lobster may genuinely be one of life's best creations. If I could eat only one food for the rest of my life, lobster would be a top choice. And no, i'm not even "glazing"–lobster is just that absolutely delectable. On top of that, lobster is very versatile–it can be eaten on rice, inside a sandwich, with pasta if you're feeling fancy, and even something as simple as with melted butter. The point is, lobster is basically my wife.  However, this week in AP Language, we r...

    Tuesday, October 31st, 2022. I walked into school. Taking my usual route to class, I did everything that I normally would on a day-to-day basis. However, today was different – not in terms of my schedule, but in terms of the sheer spectacle I was about to create. Today just so happened to be a very popular holiday called 'Halloween', and it just so happened to be that I chose to wear a very peculiar costume – a costume only worn by those that don't care about their reputation. Can you guess what it was?  It was a frickin maid costume. I'm not sure what exactly possessed me to do such a horrid thing, but I did it for the poops and giggles I guess. When I had asked my parents to buy this costume, they thought I had hit my head somewhere. Even having to upload photographic evidence of this eye-trash to my blog is making me physically recoil and cover my eyes.     There was one valuable lesson that this experience taught me, however. Within a month, this ma...

Before I start this blog, let me tell you a story. Back in the good old days of 21', my family and I decided to visit The Museum of Modern Art in New York. Of course, I was excited at the time to see the various works of arts from many different artists. When I walked into the museum however, ALL my dreams of watching majestic art completely shriveled away. Instead of seeing majestic pieces, I saw complete paint splatters to just empty canvases. From the absolute dumpster fire in front of my oculars, I only had one lingering thought in my head: "What on God's green earth am I looking at right now??" Sure, some modern art is cool, but you can imagine the disappointment I felt when I thought I would be looking at magnificent landscape paintings, but ended up looking at complete crap. At one of the exhibits, there was LITERALLY just a red square. What could that even possibly mean???? I know art is subjective and all, but I feel like there is a fine line between art hold...